Dare to Be Great

Over the last year, I’ve told my story at three conferences.  My story of what’s it like to live with PTSD.  Complex PTSD to be exact.  The first one was at James Madison University’s (JMU) Diversity Conference in March. It was a weird experience for me to do this in person since so much of life had been online for the past couple of years thanks to Covid.  It was titled, “Living with PTSD, Working in Human Services,” because I was working for the Department of Aging and Rehabilitative Services (DARS) at the time.  

I focused on what daily life is life for me, coping skills I use, many of which are evidenced based like mindfulness and peer support.  It was raw and real.  I talked candidly about my experiences, including the trouble I’d had holding down a full-time job in the years when I was struggling the most.  To my surprise, it resonated with many in the audience and several of us had a good conversation during the Q & A portion.  There was the gentleman in the front row who had retired from law enforcement, who nodded along during my talk, and at the end shared his own experiences with similar feelings.  There was a librarian in the back that connected with me because of my previous work experience in that environment and the unique stressors from the library field.  There was a woman in the middle of the room who almost brought me to tears as she spoke, validating and praising me for being brave enough to share my story in this way.  

Sharing my story at JMU was also special to me because my counselor and one of my previous supervisors were in attendance.  As soon as I found out I was speaking, I invited my counselor because she lives in that area, but also because she loves seeing how far I’ve come since we started working together.  She knows all about my passions and how powerful my story is, and like many other mentors/supporters in my life, she encouraged me to find ways to share my story and make an impact on others that way.  My previous supervisor who attended was a panelist at another session that day, but she came early to see my presentation.  She had only known me about nine months at this point and I’m pretty sure she learned quite a few things about me that day that she never would have guessed.  Like my counselor and so many others I’ve come across on my journey, she praised me afterwards for being brave doing these types of presentations.  

The next one I was scheduled to do was also in person, but it was in D.C. right around the time a lot of mass shootings started happening all over the country again.  As much as I wanted to embrace this opportunity, I couldn’t bring myself to travel into D.C. thinking about all the bad things that could happen.  As much as I tried to reason with myself and compare statistics of the actuality of something like a mass shooting happening while I was there, I still couldn’t bring myself to go.  

I gracefully bowed out of it the same week it was scheduled for.  My name/title of my session was all over the website and there was a lot of interest in my session, so I did offer to record something that could be shared virtually, but they wouldn’t budge on doing a different format. I don’t regret my decision and I still stand by it.  Part of living successfully with a mental health condition is setting good boundaries and knowing when to say no.  I exercised those actions in this case and did what I needed to do for me and my sanity.  I’ll never apologize or regret that.

My next event wouldn’t be until late October, so I had plenty of time for things to settle down and be more prepared to face that one.  That one was for the 2022 VA APCO/NENA/Interoperability Conference in Roanoke.  Roanoke is one of my favorite places, mostly because of Black Dog Salvage, which is a working salvage yard with lots of cool finds that I always visit when I’m in that area.  This conference was unique because it’s specifically for those in the dispatch profession, which is where my career started, where my husband still works and where a piece of my heart will always be.  It’s the group of people that I relate to the most and the ones I want to give back to and advocate for.  It was an honor that they selected me to speak, because I feel like I’ve been on the outside looking in ever since leaving the field to pursue other career options.  

It also meant I was extremely nervous too because this would be the first time speaking to my target audience.  I’ve shared and talked about my story lots of times in trainings, presentations, but most prior to this year have been in peer support settings, where the topic of mental health is more openly accepted and appreciated.  While it’s getting better in some 911 centers and the field of public safety, it can still be a taboo subject in that field, so I really wasn’t sure how my message was going to come across.  

I titled this one, “Living with PTSD: A Former 911 Dispatcher’s Story,” so that they would know exactly what they were getting.  In the presentation summary for the agenda, I noted that my presentation was meant to bring awareness to the importance of mental health for those in public safety, especially 911 dispatchers.  I focused on what helps me, providing lists of coping skills and methods I’ve tried over the years, highlighting those that have been the most successful for me.  Some of those things include peer support (both as a participant and leader), pursuing higher education, family support, good mentors in the community, getting involved with NAMI and their programming and journaling, just to name a few.  

What was cool about this experience is that my first dispatch supervisor was in the audience.  I’ve known her for years, ever since I was a kid.  She’s been in the field since she was 18 and spend many of those years as a supervisor.  She’s nearing retirement now but is still a huge staple in her community and dispatch center.  She saw the first talk I ever did on my mental health journey, which was in a library I was working in at the time.  However, I did that talk only about a year after my official diagnosis and I still had a lot of anger/unresolved issues going on then.  I’ve come a long way since then and now I know so much more about what helps and how to help others, so the message of my presentations has shifted (thankfully) to focus more on that.

Moving on to the final one I did this year, in December.  This conference was called Dare to be Great and also for those in the dispatch field.  Over 1000 people registered, so it’s by far the largest group of people I’ve ever spoken to or had the possibility of reaching.  I find it easier to share my story with strangers sometimes and virtually is even better.  I woke up that morning, fixed my hair and make-up and did this presentation from the comfort of my own home and mostly still in my pajamas, but no one could tell that (shh...don’t tell them 😉).   

This one was very similar to the one I did in October since it was geared toward the same audience.  I wanted to try to make this one more interactive though, so I also added some poll questions and went over them about halfway through.  What I found from both presentations for dispatchers, and it was confirmed by the poll responses, is that while a lot of work has been done to raise awareness of self-care and mental health in this environment, we still have a long way to go. 

Forty one percent of those who responded to the polls have a mental health diagnosis.  However, only a little over 8 percent of those had disclosed their diagnosis at work.  The reason for that is likely that a whopping 76 percent still feel like there is a stigma against mental health in their centers!  I was floored when I read that last poll.  Here I am, someone who’s been sharing my story for the past few years to help break that stigma and yet, there is still so much of it in existence.  

That shows me that there is still a lot of work left to do in this area for awareness and education.  I’m not going to give up; in fact, I’m going to work harder at getting out there and sharing even more because that’s my WHY.  That’s the reason I do what I do.  I’ve already pitched to several conferences for next year. I’ll talk about this, sharing my experience, raising awareness anywhere anyone will have me.  One way or another, my story is going to get out there and hopefully inspire others to share theirs because there is such power and connection in us coming together and sharing these experiences.

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