Is This Really My Family?

I have worked with first responders and military for years - twenty-nine years to be specific. Something that I have seen over and over in the people I have worked with is many come from dysfunctional families of origin. Think about it for a moment. What made you want to do a job that is full of risk, trauma and chaos? Many times it is due to childhood issues of living in a chaotic, abusive or abandoning home. You learned how to negotiate that mine zone and so you are very good at what you do. I joke that it is the phenomena of being raised by wolves. 

Enter first responders as adults. That baggage stays with you. You do not fear chaos, risk and trauma. You have done it since you were a child. And departments and the military sell the job as being a family, a brotherhood and the one that will take care of you. The desire for a family is strong in children who have had trauma. The buy in to family is the hook that draws many. A need for relationship and connection is an instinct in us since birth. As a young child to be abandoned means you will die. Think about it. A young child relies on the parent for safety, security and life. When that does not happen for a child the searching for a parent or family often happens with adults. How many have been told the job is a family?

Emotional devastation occurs when the department does not live up to their “family” promise. You are in the family until you mess up or have a problem. You are seen then as a number, a liability or weak. There is no family. It is a promise you were given that does not respond as a family. I have had so many in my office discussing the feelings of abandonment from those they work for and confusion about why they were abandoned. 

Most times in these cases you have more loyalty than the employer and expect to be taken cared of. Bottom line is you are a number, a legal case or simply a headache. No profession is going to look at you as any other thing than something they need. It’s sad to say, but true. The job will not have your back. 

The solution? Finding people in your life away from your job. Finding someone who does not just identify with your career is important. The kid in us always rears it’s ugly head but falling for a false family will let you down. 

Website: https://www.drlaurabrodie.com

Email : DrBrodie@drlaurabrodie.com 

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